Finally, I was done crying, or for better or worse, my inventory of tears needed some replenishment. So, I decided to make to the bible study in spite of being late and having a meeting with the India team within an hour and a half. I needed a break. Some fresh air, or preaching from God might help clear out my nose an hopefully my head.
As soon as I sit down besides the Holy Rebeca, as the discussion leader, she asked us:” What are the ways that people are unclean and rebellious?”
Clara read from her carefully prepared notes:” bitterness, complains, un-forgiveness,inability to forget…”
I was so surprised by the question and answer that I almost fell off from the chair. “I mean, seriously, My God, I asked you to talk to me and bless me with directions, but I did not expect you to be so blunt!" I kept my mouth shut, and could not help thinking “Is God poking fun at me or what?”
The Holy Rebeca continued: “So, explain how one’s sins defile one’s surroundings. “
“So this is the sin against God’s words. Should I confess?”
Thank God, when it was my turn to answer this question, the Holy Rebeca said: “You can pass, if you don’t want to share.”
Feeling temporarily relieved, I said “Pass.”
The Holy Rebeca continued: “Describe the symbolic ceremony for the complete removal of sin…”
At this point, I was just beyond baffled by those questions, as if God was questioning me himself for my sin. This time I answered: “Confession.” Unless one can accept responsibilities of wrong behaviors that hurt the loved ones, one can not get well.
So, My God, I confess my sins to you, and cry for your mercy. I am in pain and distress. May your salvation! God, please protect me. (Psalm 69:29)
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